Wild Party
by Eclipse-Hearts
Summary: You're not quite sure why Aradia and Nepeta are dancing like strippers on the coffee table, or why Eridan and Sollux are making out in the corner. You're even less sure why Equius and Vriska are doing shots, and why they're trusting Gamzee with mixing their alchohol. Feferi and Kanaya are reading their collection of hentai, and you're on the couch with Tavros, and Terezi.
1. The Last Day of School

You're pretty sure you have everything, pencil, yearbook, ID, cellphone. If you don't Gamzee'll be there with his shit. The guy's high off his ass, but he never forgets anything. It's actually pretty fucking creepy.

Oh, you're also pretty sure you're Karkat Vantas. A junior at Alternia College, along with the eleven people you call your sad excuses for friends.

You leave your house, and Gamzee's already waiting for you on the doorstep. He startles you with a bikehorn in your face, which released a strangled, blood-curdling scream of pants-shitting inducing terror. You scream the word fuck very, very, _very_ loudly. Naturally, this calls for a snortgiggle of a laugh from your best friend and housemate, and a punch to the shoulder.

"All ready to go and get our friendship on, best motherfucking bro?"he questions, leaning on you, his shaggy, nasty, bug-filled greasemop hair getting all over your face. You swat at him, trying to be angry, but failing. It's hard to be mad around Gamzee unless you're provoked by shitheads, like your friends. It's a fucking miserable existence, to be friends with the very people you almost perpetually want to murder violently. Okay, you're exagerating. But they are really annoying most of the time.

"I guess so, chucklefuck. The plan's still on, right?"you ask Gamzee, leaning into him, trying to push him off balance. You shove eachother for a while, laughing like schoolgirls, before he answers, and you start walking.

"Y- to the motherfucking E-S, best bro. This is gonna be the most motherfucking fun."he replies, smiling his higher-than-clouds smile. It's kinda endearing, you suppose. Must be why everyone(except for Equius, but he's hard to please in general,) likes him so much. Then he starts skipping, and you wish you didn't ever meet the clown-cultist. But there's no changing the past, so you try to match his stride. Soon, you're both skipping to College, for the last day before summer break.

* * *

You make it before the first bell rings, for the festivities to begin. To make it clearer, AC makes the first and last days a six hour block, like most pre-college schools do, for orientations, tours, and shit on the first day, and fun shit on the last. Both days are optional, but almost everyone goes. Because yolo.

You see Feferi and Eridan standing by a tree, comparing final grades for their marine biology courses, and looking at pictures of what you guess are their huge ass aquariums. Sollux and Nepeta are a few feet away, gossiping and probably talking about butts. You start to walk over to them.

"KARKAT!"

Oh no. Oh _fuck_ no.

"HEY, KARKLES!"

_Shit_, there is no hope now. You're done.

Everyone stops what they're doing to watch the ensuing free entertainment, at your expense. Gamzee steps back a few yards.

Then _she_ comes flying at you, and latches on, knocking you both to the ground, your breath leaving you in a giant whoosh.

"Hi Terezi..."you wheeze, trying to be as polite as possible, which isn't as fun for her, which makes her get off you. Usually.

"Not today, munchkin! I am going to kiss them!"Terezi cackles.

"Shit. No. Please Pyrope I swear I'll give you all the cherry flavored shit I own."you try.

"I'm gonna. Kiss. The. Lips!"she squeals, and she leans over, about to kiss you. You decide you might as well get it over with and peck her on the lips.

She let's you get out from under her, satisfied, before she demands you help your 'poor blind girlfriend' up off the ground.

"You're being...odd today. Did Gamzee spike your cereal with his weed?"she asks after you help her up. You think for a while, and then glare at Gamzee.

"You fucking didn't."you frown at him.

"I motherfucking did, my brother."he grins.

"Fuck me sideways with a rusty railroad spike and then stab yourself with it. I hope you get lockjaw."you grumble at him. Everyone sighs in relief.

"THAT'S THE KARKAT WE ALL KNOW!"a stranger in the crowd shouts.

Wow suddenly, everything is awkward.

Thank you random stranger.

Terezi grinned, and started searching in her tote bag for her cane, which she quickly found and un-collapsed it. Then you both just stood for a few minutes, before your group started to appear.

Aradia and Equius approach you together, and they both greet you. Feferi, Nepeta, Sollux, and Eridan follow suit, saying hello. Terezi smiles as Vriska and Kanaya walk up.

"Good morning Sis. Morning, Kanaya."she cackles, grinning a toothy smile, as she hugs both of them. They chatter for a bit, before Vriska goes to talk to Aradia, and Tavros, who just appeared out of nowhere. Gamzee honked his horn, getting everyone['s attention.

"So, my wicked brothers and sisters, today is the last motherfucking day of school. Because of that, Karkat and I have decided to throw a motherfucking slumber party. You're all invited, dudes and dudettes. So just motherfucking let us know if you can all up and join in on the celebratory festivities. Peace."Gamzee said after everyone arrived, grinning lazily and pointing in your general direction once in a while. Almost immediatly after he finished, everyone shouted 'I can go' or some similar variation of it. Wonderful. Now it's your turn to talk.

"Okay, fucktards, the party is two days from now. Sollux, restrain your creepy number boner. You gotta bring something to sleep on because you're not getting your ass all over my fucking bed. Bother my hermit crabs and die. If you're alergic to shit bring your own food blah blah blah. Bring clothes and shit. And some sort of swimming attire because we have the key to the neighborhood pool, and we're probably going swimming because fuck you. Don't fuck all over the house or at all. There will be alchohol and food, so don't start, Serket. Okay I think that's it. Oh, try to be at Gamzee and my house at like 12:00. Happy fucking summer assholes."you shout, Sollux looking violated and pissed and Vriska looking satisfied.

This is going to be one hell of a party.

**AN:/ yo guys**  
**hehehe sorry for everyone who reads bee brains, it's not going to update for a long while, as im putting it on hiatus until further notice! again, im super duper sorry, but here's this to make up for it! there's erisol, karezi, gamtav, equara, kanvris, and nepfef(so everyone has a lover ;) )**

**review and conquer my friends**

**review and conquer :)**


	2. Shopping, Food, and a Romcom

You and Gamzee march into the local Safeway, and head straight to the alcohol. You both know you already have more than enough, but Gamzee wanted to get some more vodka. You were running out of it, anyway. You guess. He grabs your wrist, and drags you straight to the snack food isle, where he stops, and points to a toy they put there for children to sneak into the shopping cart.

"Yo Karkat, can I get me some motherfucking dinosaurs?" he asks you, pointing. You wrench your wrist out of his grasp and roll your eyes.

"It's_ your_ money, fucktard. Do whatever," you remind him, shrugging your shoulders, and snatching the vodka out of his other hand before he drops it in his excitement over neon prehistoric reptile shaped choking hazards. He grabs the dinosaurs, and then shoves three bags of Doritos into your arms.

"Ew, dude, these are nacho flavored. Get a bag of those blue ones too," you complain, feigning exhaustion. Gamzee complies with your request, grabbing a bag of the Cool Ranch Doritos. He tosses them at your face, almost stabbing you in the eye with a corner of the blue bag of death. You continue down the isle, grabbing bags of assorted chips, pretzels and cookies. Following this, you head down the party/cards section, with Gamzee shuffling behind you. He grins a yellow-toothed smile and grabs a bag of assorted-color balloons. You nod and grab your own bag. You both reach the checkout, and the cashier, Feferi's older sister, Meenah, gives you a knowing smirk.

"Planning a party, Karcrab?" she addresses you, ringing you up, as Gamzee grabs his sad excuse for a duct tape wallet.

"Yup."you reply. It's draining all of your allotted socialization for the day to talk to Meenah. She's really cool, but you're not in the mood for fish puns at the moment. In fact, you'd rather die than hear another crack about tuna. She waves as you and Gamzee leave, dragging the bags out the door.

* * *

You both make it home unscathed, lugging your loot behind you after about a mile and a half of Gamzee's so-drugged-up-they-don't-make-sense jokes. As you always hear your uncle Slick say, cars are for losers and people who have the time to go buy one. He would be proud right now if he could see you. You tear up a bit, thinking of old uncle Slick. Just kidding, he's in jail and you couldn't give half a rat's decaying, putrid ass.

You walk in the door, dragging all the shit you were carrying into the kitchen to put away right as Gamzee finishes explaining how the words 'chicken' and 'sofas' really DO rhyme. After thinking it through for about ten seconds, you decide it was almost certainly Gamzee's turn to put everything away, and jump onto the couch just as he drags himself into the kitchen. He gives you a sad attempt at a puppy-dog face. It almost works. If by almost you meant not even fucking close. You're done with bullshit for today.

"Aw man, Kar. I put shit away last time. It's your turn!" he complains, flailing his arms in protest as best he can while still holding the bags he carried in. You roll your eyes.

"I'll clean the fucking living room, then. Jesus Christ," you answer him, crossing your arms. Gamzee sets the bags down and imitates you, overly exaggerating an eye-roll and crossing his arms, all the while grunting like a bear. You ignore him, begin picking up the empty Faygo bottles and Smarties wrappers, and toss them in a trash bag. As soon as you and Gamzee both finish your tasks, you clean your rooms. Well, it would be more accurate to say you clean Gamzee's room. Your's was and always is already clean due to your no food in the room rule and a clothes hamper. The best way to describe Gamzee's room is a glorified dump. It's absolutely horrible. It takes the both of you two hours to clean it to a spotless state. Or, as close to spotless as you can get. By then, you think you're going to pass out from the fumes of marijuana mixed with old socks and rotting vegetables. You might never know why he was hiding a bag of broccoli and peppers under his bed. Or when he even bought them.

"A million thanks, my brother," Gamzee thanks you, clapping you on the back. You growl at him, and pretend to feel faint. You might as well be, his room is a toxic waste zone. He smiles, and blinks owlishly at you.

"Just don't trash it until the party's over, got it, shitstain?" you ask him, pleading. He grins wider, and laughs. You sigh, and dig around in his closet until you find a can of Febreeze.

"No smoking unless you're outside, either." He frowns at this, but begrudgingly agree.

"Check, bro."

You both go into the living room, and you select a romcom at random from your extensive collection before shoving it into your DVD player. It turns out to be The Princess Bride, if you can call that a romcom.

* * *

"Don't you see it, Gamzee? He said '_As you wish_' even as she pushed him down a hill to kill him! Then she rolled down it after him! They're so in love it makes my heart want to cry, and that's _not even possible_..." you sob into Gamzee's left side after you two settle onto the couch. He pats your head, mumbling to you comfortingly every once in a while. Your heart feels like it's twisting around and trying to fly away. Your heart seems to have a penchant for doing unnatural things.

"Be still my beating heart," you croak. Gamzee giggles and eventually snorts, as he tends to do, and you laugh too through your hiccups.

"Miracles bro, love is. Miracles," Gamzee smiles, patting you on the head.

"_What_?"

**AN:/ yooooooooooo sup guys**

**i told you id have it. i didnt lie ;3c**

**so toasterama is my beta/proofer/editor if you notice any typos it aint my fault ok good glad we have that established**

**so shell leave anything she wants to say under an italicized, capitalized 'TOASTER NOTES' heading under my author's note.**

**thank and please review! if youre trolling i cant be held accountable for any snarky horseshit youre gonna get**

**ti ti ti ti ti tilapi pi pi pi pi p a**


	3. A Million Fucking Degrees

Aradia and Equius are the first to arrive, at 12:00 pm on the dot. Neither you or Gamzee are surprised. Equius is the most punctual person you know. He's never late or early to anything. He and Aradia both have black duffel bags, stuffed like a sausage with the shit they brought.

"So just drop your shit over there, I guess,"you point to the far right corner of the living room. They comply, and sit next to Gamzee on the couch. He hasn't had any weed yet today, which is unusual for him. He's trying to be civil, you suppose, or he's just being too lazy to get his shit from under the sink, where you stashed it to prevent anyone from getting into it. You sit on the arm of the couch, nearest to your best friend. After a few minutes of awkward silence, the distant sound of shrill laughing and snortgiggles reaches your ears. Here come the Scourge Sisters.

You silently plead with Gamzee to answer the door this time. He smiles, rolls his purple eyes, and stands up. There are eight knocks on the door. He walks over, and opens it. The spiderbitch and the dragonbitch stumble inside, laughing.

"_Heeeeeeeey_ Karkat, Gamzee. Sup?"Vriska greets both of you. Terezi just walks over and sits on you.

"Yo Gamzee. Hi chairboyfriend, who is also _apparently_ named Karkat."Terezi snorts, laughing so hard she can barely breathe. Her wheezy laughter echoes in the room.

"I'm a fucking HUMAN BEING, Pyrope. Jesus christ on a kebab, get the hell off me. I'm getting crushed under your monumental weight!"you yelp, squirming. Terezi just cackles like a hyena, remaining firmly rooted to your lap.

"Well, this is rather...awkward."Aradia mumbles, folding her hands in her lap. Equius nods.

"Extremely. Terezi, please desist. You are making Aradia and I slightly uncomfortable, as you are forcing Karkat to almost fall upon both of us."he...asks? You aren't really sure if Terezi has a choice. She gets off of you, and goes to sit on Vriska instead, who just ignores her. The silence prevails yet again.

"KNOCK FUCKIN KNOCK."

Oh, Eridan's here. Yay.

"Theriouthly open the door it'th like a million degreeth out here!"

Sollux is also here, even better!

You walk over and open the door, after some grumbling. Feferi and Nepeta are standing behind them.

"Why the fuck aren't you four dead?"

"Excuse me?"Eridan squawks, putting his hands on his hips. He's holding a heavy-looking tote bag, which makes it hard to keep his hand from slipping. He's pretty damn strong though. You know this from when he lifted you up and threw you into the pool last time you were at his and Feferi's house because you kept fucking him up when he was trying to practice for the school play. You shudder.

"It's apparently a million fucking degrees, asshole. You should all be burnt to a fucking smear of ashes on the bottom of Earth's shoe by now."you reply, copying Eridan's actions.

"_Sassy_."Nepeta compliments you, smiling. You step out of the way of the door, and they shuffle in. Nepeta runs over to Equius and Aradia and flops down across them.

"Nepeta, no!"Feferi glubs, grabbing a spritzer bottle from her bag. She held it threateningly in Nepeta's direction, until she rolled off their laps, and onto the floor.

You remain standing, as you're probably gonna be the one to answer the door for all the other fuckers. Fucking ye. Eridan and Sollux take seats at least five feet from eachother, choking the entire room with sexual tension so thick you couldn't cut it with a steak knife.

You exchange a shifty glance with Nepeta. _Hehehe..._

Three delicate knocks and a loud cough come from the door, and you walk over to the gate of death, hell, and despair. You wrench it open and point inwards. Tavros and Kanaya just awkwardly finaggle themselves inside. Yes, that word you just thought was indeed 'finaggle'. It's a perfectly justifiable word, they just haven't added it to the dictionary yet. They sit, well, Kanaya sits and Tavros just stands next to Gamzee's chair.

"So, we're all fucking here."you announce. Everyone nods. You also nod, and look at Gamzee. He winks, and you shudder. Gamzee winking is a horrifying experience and no one should have to go through it.

"So everyone agrees it's unreasonably hot, yes?"you continue. They all nod again.

"So, swimming?"you suggest. Everyone mumbles yeah sure okay.

"Fuck yes!"Feferi screeches. Everyone looks at her. She shrugs.

"So, everyone line up in order of your fucking level of patience after you grab your swimsuit and shit. Don't break anything. Someone can go change in a closet or whatever if they want."you shout, pointing down the hall to the bathroom.

Everyone shuffles around in their bags, digging up swimsuits and shit. You and Gamzee retreat to your rooms, and change into your swimsuits. You grab your ever-present sunblock spray can, and head back out into your livingroom. Your pale skin stamds out against your candy red swimming trunks, that have a gray cancer symbol on the left leg. Terezi's done too, as is Gamzee. Nepeta is leaving the bathroom, just as Vriska leaves the random shit closet. They all continue to put on their suits, and sit on the couches.

"Okay fucknubs, if you want sunscreen follow me outside."you shout, marching outside with your can of spray-ok sunblock. Terezi, Nepeta, Gamzee, and Kanaya all follow you out. Everyone else just sits there awkwardly. You all spray down, and walk inside. Feferi and Eridan crinkle their noses, and Sollux frowns. You point at him.

"Hey asshole your turn."you exclaim, spraying him. He was standing up, anwyay. And he's almost paler than you. That's really saying something, too.

"Fucker!"he hisses, waving his arms around in a sad attempt to make the horrible stench of sunscreen dissipate. Eridan and Feferi start cackling.

"Okay motherfuckers, since there are childrens in this here neighborhood, we gotta watch the language. Everyone grab themself a towel and get a motherfucking creeping on on after Karkat. Yeah."Gamzee states, with everyone nodding like it makes sense. You're gonna be the leader of the idiot train, apparently. Everyone grabs a towel, all generic gray ones.

You begin the march to the pool.

_**AN:/OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS**_  
_**i have no excuses for why this is late**_  
_**crysob**_

_**please forgive meeeeeeeee**_

_**toasterama didn't proof this because i uploaded it like as soon as i finished typing this so yeah**_

_**gomenasai**_


	4. Holy Shit a Pool

You make it to the pool in record time. Everyone's eager to get in the cool water and shit, you suppose. It's lucky though, you get there at the time you're going to be the only ones, as the day is at its hottest point. You open the gate with your key, and let everyone in, before going inside yourself.  
Okay you guys, set your towels out on the grass and get in the water," you direct. As if direction is needed. You toss your towel down, and run to the pool, jumping in.

You break surface with a strangled scream. The water is cold as balls. Feferi shrieks gleefully as she dives beautifully in next to you, with barely a splash, Eridan just as gracefully on her heels. They're fucking fish in the water, two elegant beings drifting through the medium they make their own, you think they might've been otters or eels or something in a past life. Gamzee bellyflops directly to your left, about as graceful and elegant as a manatee running a race against a cheetah. Which is to say, not very graceful and elegant at all.

"Oh my god."you laugh, as he floats to the top. His front is tinged pink from the force he hit the water.

Sollux slowly lets himself sink into the water, before Vriska pushes him into the water so she and Terezi can get in. Kanaya follows close behind them, minding her step.

The pool is devoid of almost anyone else. There are a couple teenagers, lounging on the side and giving your friends and you a disdainful glance every once in a while, and a gurgling toddler in an intertube, splashing his fat arms in glee. It's surprisingly empty for such a hot day. Your crowd has filled it up, though. Nothing like a dozen college kids to swamp up a pool.

Terezi, screaming with laughter, dives into the water. Feferi follows her, shouting. You have no idea what she says because your shoulders are grasped by surprisingly strong arms and shoved underwater. Kicking wildly, you surface, annoyance burning in your chest. You don't even turn around before hissing a few choice words under your breath at your anonymous attacker, so you wont get kicked out

Vriska stands behind you, her laugh grossly unnerving as always.

"Lighten up, Karkat," she quipped in a sarcastic, nasaly voice. You narrow your eyes, and think about how nice it would be to smack her upside the face or something equally violent, but you manage to remain calm somehow.

You sigh and swim away, paddling hard to keep your head above water. Terezi and Feferi are playing Marco Polo. They seem to have suckered Sollux, Nepeta, and Eridan into playing too. You smile thinly, happy to see your friends enjoying the party so far. Gamzee is talking to the little boy, which you are a bit wary about, but the kid is laughing and playing with his tangled mass of hair, so you decide not to press it. Aradia listens, smiling, to Tavros as he explains about some show he watched last night. Vriska and Kanaya sit at the edge of the deep end as Kanaya convinces her companion to put on sunscreen, while Equius swims the length of the pool repeatedly. Everyone seems happy.

Except for Vriska, who looks a little fed up, but complies with Kanaya's request, complaining she never gets sunburned all the while.

A thought bubbles in your mind, and you stare at Terezi. The thought tugs at your conscience, the little voice in your head whispering directions. It's hard to ignore. Words well up inside your mouth, and they threaten to overflow.  
You swim over to Gamzee. He's still talking to the toddler, currently explaining what his marijuana-print swim trunks signify.  
"Hey, little buddy, sorry, but I gotta grab my bro for a little bit," you say as patiently as you can. Hastily, you add "I like your tube," in case Gamzee's little friend was offended by your sudden stealing of his new playmate. The child, thankfully, giggles and splashes some more, before kicking his chubby legs to get over to Nepeta.

God, you are awkward.

"What's up my brother? I was-" You cut him off.  
"Look, I know you're busy converting three year olds into juggalos, but I need advice."you mutter. He laughs at this, and ruffles your already disheveled, flattened hair.  
"Bro advice?"  
"Bro advice."  
"What about?"  
You sigh and let the words filling up inside your mouth spill out.  
"It's Terezi. I…I'm worried I'm not good enough for her."  
You and Gamzee both look over at her. She is now Marco, and her eyes are closed even though it wouldn't be any use for her to open them. Her saturated-red hair is plastered to her flushed, grinning face. Your girlfriend is a sight to behold. And that's why you're worried.  
"Bro?" Gamzee asks after a long silence.  
"Yeah?"  
"Look, hear me out. So…like…what if your blue...is my orange?"  
"What?"  
"No, man, I'm serious. What if your blue is my orange? Or your orange is my blue?"  
"Uh, then we're seeing shit differently?"  
"No man, what if you see the world in all blue, but, like, you don't think so? Like, you think it's orange?"  
"Damn, Gamzee, we're getting deep, aren't we?"  
"What if, to truly see the world…we gotta see the blue AND the orange?"  
"And this is supposed to make me feel what?"

He blinks, grinning. You sigh, and you pat his head, forming a sentence in your head. Before you begin to speak, an exhausted looking mother lifts the toddler out of the water. He waves a chubby hand and gurgles, "Later, mudda-funky!" Gamzee grins and waves back.

"Later lil bro!"

You turn back to Gamzee, and he pats you on the back comfortingly.

"Bro, that chicka is lucky to have you, and you're lucky to have her, so make the motherfucking most of it while the bird still flies. Don't hit it with stones, though, that's motherfucking rude."

You smile, your best friend certainly has a way with words.

* * *

You swim over to Nepeta, your partner in a yet unbeknownst crime, and tap her shoulder.

"Phase two?"she purrs, tilting her head and smiling. You nod, and she follows you to the deep corner.

"So Karcat,"you swear you can hear the cat in her voice,"how are we going to get _Catpurr_ and _Ampurra_ together? Lies? Trickery? Locking them in a room?"

She giggles, holding her dainty hands in front of her mouth. You consider, and then reply.

"I think we should each grab one, and talk to them, and then get them in a room alone. When we start hearing shit that _shouldn't be heard_ we scream 'NO FUCKING' at the top of our lungs. Then we run before they can punch us/harm us in any way, and profit off the reduced sexual tension."you proposed. Nepeta's smile turns into a grin.

"_Oh yes_."she purrs,"A ship come true!"

"I'll grab...well, which asshole can you deal with better?"

"Hmm...I'd have to say Catpurr, but Ampurra won't be a purroblem either."she scoffed.

"I'll grab Ampora then, you can deal with Captor. Good luck."you high five her, before going to grab Eridan. He's sitting with Feferi, examining some shiny shit he found at the bottom of the pool. A seahorse ring, and a cheap silver and faux gold bumble bee pendant.

Time for this shitshow to get on the road.

**AN:/ guest writer/my awesome editor/proofer toasterama helped me write some of this chapter, mostly the middle bit! she will also write an entire chapter later on, and stuff, so look forward to it! and with that, i bid you adieu**

**until next week, my friends!**


	5. Summer Fun, More Like Nope

The pool water ripples as all of your friends continue to splash about. You make your way to Eridan slowly, before tapping him on the arm.

"Yo dude, I need to talk to you. Top secret and shit," you whisper. He cocks an eyebrow, but follows you out of the pool anyway.

"Ok, bro. Sollux fucking Captor," you say. Eridan raises his eyebrow further, if possible.

"Wwhat about 'm?" he asks you.

"You know, the tension between you two is thicker than my eyebrows," you say in a low voice, wiggling said eyebrows. He makes a face of utter disgust.

"Kar, eww. No. Jus'...no," he hisses, sticking out his tongue in an utterly childlike manner. You frown about to respond, before a shrill girly scream breaks the almost silence.

"FRICK SOLLUX_ SHUT IT_!" Nepeta yells, before an awkward silence befalls the pool.

"Oh my glubbing cod!" Feferi shrieks, before falling into the pool.

"Oh my god. I pictured this going better. We all know you like him, just go make out or something and get it over with," you sigh, slamming your open palms to your face in exasperation. Eridan glowers at you.

"I'll tell you his full name if you go talk to him. I bet Nepeta's promising the same thing to Sollux," you offer.. He looks intrigued.

"Wwhat is it, then?" he inquires, looking a bit incredulous.

"_Solluxander_,"you giggle, grinning at Eridan. He smiles back at you, obviously holding back snorts of laughter.

"Oh my fuckin god, thats _wway_ wworse than mine," he laughs.

"I know. That's why you're perfect for each other, _Eridaniel_," you reply. His grin quickly turns sour, morphing into a grimace.

"_Shut the fuck up_," he growls, clenching his hands into fists. Nepeta appears from behind a tree, and gives you a thumbs up. Go time.

"C'mon Eridan, time to go make nice with your hatecrush," you antagonize him, before dragging him over to Nepeta and Sollux.

"Uh...hi Sol," Eridan mumbles awkwardly.

"Thup ED..." Sollux spits out, both literally and figuratively, as you and Nepeta hightail it to the pool.

Nepeta shrieks with glee as Sollux scoots closer to Eridan. You grin at each other, before Feferi swims over.

"What's up, fronds?" she asks, cocking her head to the side. You point at Eridan and Sollux.

"Ooh, I sea!"she giggles. Eridan and Sollux lean in and kiss awkwardly, before pulling back and blushing like schoolgirls.

"WOO! _ERISOL IS NOW CANON_!" Nepeta screams excitedly, and Eridan and Sollux fall off the bench they were sitting on with screams of violation. They sit up and shoot you three a venomous look.

You and Nepeta exchange a brofist, and swim your way to the rest of the group. Everyone heard Nepeta's outburst, so they knew what happened. She looks at you out of the corner of her olive eyes, and grins, catlike.

"Okay, furrends. If any of you act ...curiously towards another, Karkitty and I will set you up! Hehehe!" she giggles. You exchange another shifty glance with her, ignoring the pet name, before dispersing. You head over to Gamzee again. He's chilling out of the steps like it's a throne.

"Yo Gamz," you greet him. He pats your head in a return greeting, and sinks into the water up to his nose, blowing bubbles. You copy your best friend, because why not. You blow bubbles at each other for a while, before Gamzee sucks in some water through his nose, and jumps out of the water, snorting like a goat. The snotwater gets all over your face, and you flail majestically, hitting Gamzee's bony torso as you try to cleanse yourself of the grossness coming from your best friend's schnozz.

"GAMZEE,_ NO_!" you wail into the blue sky theatrically, shaking your fists dramatically and everything. You'd be an actor if you didn't love biology so much. God, you love biology, and you're actually pretty fucking great at it, to boot. If you weren't, you'd probably join Sollux in computer science. If only to prove to him, and the world, that you are good at hacking. Okay, back to the actual happenings.

"Hehehe motherfucker, your face looks all kinds of wicked funny," Gamzee wheezes at you through his laughter. You frown at him, and splash chlorinated piss water right in his damn face. He returns the gesture, with an anger inducing grin. You hiss at him, and run away as fast as the water resistance allows for. Well, not exactly run. In actuality, you slip and fall flat on your face, slowly sinking underwater. The world around you becomes eerily silent, with distant splashes and happy shrieks. Then Gamzee steps on you.

"_FUCK_!" you scream, though it sounds more like '_fucglrulululrrgh_' as water forces its way into your mouth. You thrash violently, accidentally sucking in more water, until Gamzee falls off you, and you surface with a sputter. You straighten and choke until you cough up all the liquid death that creeped into your lungs. You stand, shaking like a leaf, before you notice Gamzee's worried expression.

"Mother_fuck_, Karkat, did I hurt you?" he asks, looking like a kicked puppy. You shake your head, not quite trusting your vocal chords. Your throat feels like someone stuck sandpaper in it and then a few knives, then threw it in the blender. You cough a bit more.

"I'm fine...Gamz..." you splutter, your voice scratchy. He frowns worriedly for the first time in years, and picks you up like you're a sack of potatoes. You let him carry you, because he'd freak out if you don't. Your friends look a little concerned, and you can hear them titter worriedly. You give them a weak thumbs up, and smile shakily.

"No prob, guys. I'm doing fabulous." You're getting lightheaded. Gamzee sets you down gently on the grass, and sits next to you.

"You ok, bro?" he asks you gently, petting your limp hair. You close your eyes and lightly nod, regaining your breath. You're glad you don't have asthma, because if you did you'd probably be dead by now. You pat Gamzee's arm reassuringly, lifting the corners of your mouth in a smile. You sit, comforting each other, listening to the splashes and calls of your friends playing in the hot, May afternoon.

**AN:/ THIS IS A DAY EARLY! YOU LUCKY MOTHERFUCKERS**  
**thank u toasterama for helping me and being a gr8 editor**

_**TOASTER NOTES:**_

_**hey guys its toasterama and yeh thanks for reading**_


	6. Crapdonalds

The car ride over is loud and rambunctious, if a car ride can be anything like that. You borrowed Eridan's bus- yes, he has a bus, surprisingly or not- to drive over to McDonald's, because everyone was incessantly complaining about being hungry. It is a challenge, to say the least, to chauffeur eleven rowdy college kids for ten minutes. You wonder if you have any hair left.  
Vriska and Terezi have been engaged in a spontaneous catfight since getting in the car, over what _radio station_ to listen to. Over time, it dissolved into arguing about which singer was the hottest, who in the car had the best swimsuit, how many plastic surgeries it would take the other to look remotely attractive. They squabble like an old married couple.  
The rest of the bus is just as loud for various reasons. Eridan and Kanaya jabber on and on about something simply too fruity for your tastes, Gamzee is preaching about the single best brand of mattress in the U.S., Nepeta runs up and down the aisle while dancing with Feferi, Tavros sings (terribly) along with the music- you picked a speed metal station to shut Terezi and Vriska up, and Sollux furiously types on his laptop. You have no idea what he's writing. Maybe it's erotica.  
The only quiet people are Aradia and Equius. Aradia quietly knits, smiling to herself.  
And Equius.  
Equius just watches.  
And sweats.  
That's pretty much all he ever does.

Anyway, the car- excuse you, bus- is in chaos. You are filled with relief on a level you didn't think possible when you pull into the Crapdonald's parking lot.  
"Alright, you can get out now," you growl with tired eyes. You're too frazzled from trying to concentrate to address the problem that they're all in swimsuits and might not be let in. At least they're clad in towels. That's pretty good.  
Good enough.  
You open the swinging doors and usher everyone out.  
They oblige to your great happiness. Maybe this won't go as bad as you imagined.  
You're going to get fast food. What could go wrong?

Inside, the air is rich with salt, grease, and the whining of children. It makes you a bit sick, but you ignore it. It's fast food. The grease-lathered savior of parents too lazy to cook everywhere.  
"Pick a table," you direct Kanaya. She nods and surveys the area.  
"Everyone else, figure out what you want to..." There's no need to continue. Your crew looks over the menu, yelling over each other to try and be heard. Oh, God, you aren't going to last two minutes in here.  
Nepeta, who's reading the menu to Terezi, looks over at you and stops mid-description of an item that looks sort of like what would happen if a dog ate a burger, some bacon, and a sock, and then vomited it back up.  
"Karcat," she purrs. "This was a good idea! Epurryone has enough money and everything. You're a genius at dealing with starving twentysomethings." She grins her trademark, Cheshire Cat-esque grin and for a moment you wonder if her elementary school crush on you has returned. You shudder, but shake off the thought. She's taken now anyway.  
You nod hurriedly as Kanaya taps you on the shoulder.  
"I'm sorry, but the only place there were enough vacant areas was the-" Pit of zombies, you think. Abandoned creepy house where murderous hobos probably live, you think. There's gotta be one of those in the McDonald's. "-kid's area." She doesn't look nearly as apologetic as she should have.

Oh, _GOD_.

This is worse than you imagined.  
"A-Are you_ sure_?" you ask, voice shaking.  
"Yes," she replies coolly, eyeing you in confusion. "Is that a problem?"  
"Hell yeah, it's a problem!" you yell. A couple people turn and look at you. Your face flushes in embarrassment.  
You turn over and look at your friends. They're ordering their food now. Tavros, with two boxes of Chicken McNuggets, dipping sauce, and a Coke, walks over to you on gangly legs.  
"Where do we sit, Karkat?" he asks. Your caterpillar eyebrows furrow.  
"Over there," you hear your voice say, and you feel your arm lift and point to the kiddy playground. He is compliant with this, and sits down to eat. A couple others follow his lead. Feferi has a parfait, a salad, and fries. Gamzee has three Big Macs, and a large dish of pickles that one could only get with a special order. Eridan clutches a large, bright orange drink and some grossly huge, fancy hamburger. Aradia has only a smoothie and a small fries. The others still hover around the counter. The employees have begun to look more annoyed than usual.

* * *

You sit down. Soon enough, the others filter over, each carrying their own grease-soaked meal. The kids in the ball pit have already begun to migrate away from you. You figured this would happen. Gamzee looks longingly at them, or as longingly as you can imagine he looks. He has pickles over his eyes. It's impressive that he was even able to see where the kids were. Tavros and Kanaya are the only ones you'll allow over to play with them. Kanaya is more interested in eating, but she is able to favor one of the kids with a thin smile when she tugs on her skirt with pudgy baby fingers. She hands the kid a fry.

True friendship.

Tavros, however, is really getting into the groove. He romps around in the ball pit, laughing genuine laughter as toddlers pull his mohawk in wonder. You kind of want to leave him there. He looks happy enough to stay.  
Vriska and Terezi, much to your frustration, are still arguing, though. You are on the edge with them, and consider stabbing both their eyes out with your plastic butterknife. You are SO done.  
"No _fuckin_' way, Pyrope," Vriska snarls, twirling her dark hair around her fingers. Terezi counters with a sharp remark, fondling her kiddie toy. You assume it's a sharp remark. You can't hear her. Her mouth is full of food. Vriska, however, understands perfectly, and narrows her eyes.  
"You couldn't be as cool as me if you froze to death on an iceberg. You should still try it, though." She laughs. Terezi growls indignantly.  
"Spiderbitch, I have had it with you. We all know the truth. Your family is so poor, they bought a discount daughter, didn't they? And it's no surprise why she was marked down so low. How did they ever manage to send you to college, by the way? I-" Terezi begins her next sentence, but is cut short. It takes you a second to realize why.

Vriska coughs. Except it doesn't sound like a cough. It's more like a suggestion to do something anatomically impossible.

And then, Terezi is covered in Dr. Pepper.

"Whoops," Vriska says sweetly, holding her empty cup. "Muscle spasm."  
Terezi leans in towards Vriska. For a second, you think she's about to kiss her. But Vriska recoils, and you notice that her face is covered in saliva. Terezi wipes her mouth. Vriska smiles. You have no idea why. And then she raises her fist.  
You are so glad that Aradia is with you. In one, almost robotic, move, she grips Vriska's arm and twists it back.  
"No," she says firmly. "Stop."  
Vriska sneers but relaxes. Aradia loosens her hold.  
"Don't catfight. It's petty."  
Aradia doesn't realize that Vriska's other arm is free until it connects with her face.  
And then everything falls apart at once.  
In less than two minutes a giant brawl has formed, with everyone taking sides. A group of people frantically try to calm everyone down, but it is no use.

Tavros remains blissfully unaware.

"Stop, god dammit!" you yell, holding off Eridan's angry arms. "Do you hear me? I swear to god, you fu-"  
There's a sudden pain in your cheek, and you turn around, blazing with rage. The other customers have fled.  
"STOP IT!" you yell again, channeling all that fury into your voice. The room falls silent, and several sets of eyes are on yours.  
There's also an employee.  
"_Uh_," he begins nervously, eyeing the dogpile. "I'm gonna have to ask you to leave on account of...civil unrest...and _yeah_."  
Your face flushes with rage and embarrassment and everything at once, and you turn around, glaring at everybody.  
"Well, you heard him," you growl. "Let's get out of here."

You don't even bother to take your food.

**AN:/(this is lucy not toaster) ok so here it is y'all! just fresh written, courtesea(ahah puns) of toasterama! i added/edited some stuff to make it longer/more elaborate so**

_**AN: this is toasterama and i wrote thE ENTIRE CHAPTER WOW IM SO GREAT GOOD JOB A PLUS ME yeah ok bye thanks for reading**_

_****_**(lucy again ahahaha) so guys! there should be another chapter next week, saturday, but if there isn't just be patient ok? i just started school and just yeah. so, hang in there, y'all!**


	7. What a Thing

The sun beats down upon the pavement as you march everyone back inside your house. They're all looking at the ground, ashamed, except for you, Tavros, Gamzee, and Feferi. You four stayed mostly out of it. Terezi gives you a doleful glance, and you frown at her, not buying her faux guilt for a second.

"Well, guys. We fucked that up, didn't we?" you ask them scathingly, raking them with your gaze.

The silence prevails for what seems like hours, but is in truth mere minutes.

"Well, since it's starting to get near sundown, why don't we watch a movie or something?" you suggest. Eridan cocks an eyebrow at you, and you raise an eyebrow at him back.

"Wwe havve twwo choices then, romcom an romcom," Eridan quips. You narrow your eyes.

"We also have Disney cause Gamzee's a fucking junkie." you nod towards your juggalo best friend. He grins and waves as everyone turns to look at him.

"So, Princess Bride, or Bambie?"

Feferi screeches and jumps up and down. You remember her favorite, non-nautical, movie is Princess Bride. Nobody seems to disagree, except for Vriska, but you're pissed at her right now and could care less what movie she wants to look at for two hours.

* * *

After the movie, it's pretty darkish outside, so you sneak into the kitchen and grab the glowstick shit you got for five bucks a few months ago at Walmart. Oh, Walmart.

"Hey nerds," you announce, tossing the glowsticks into the air,"catch."

There's a mad scramble as everyone goes to grab their favorite colors. You go to close the blinds so the neighbors don't get pissed at you for having shitty flashlights with cellophane on them duct taped to the ceiling fan flashing everywhere. Gamzee goes to turn on the stereo, and his dumb ICP music plays before he quickly switches it to the party mix you had Vriska make. She works at a club, so she pretty much just copied down one of their 'famous' dj's track sets. You have yet to meet this guy, but he sounds like an insufferable prick.

You go into the kitchen with Gamzee to grab the least alcoholic drink you own and pour it into your cheap plastic martini glasses. You grab the food coloring to make them a bit more festive, while Gamzee throws the chips into a few bowls and sets up his 'bar'. Nepeta slinks into the kitchen.

"Can I offur you guys a paw?" she asks, nodding her head in the direction of the empty bowls and full bags on the table. You give her an affirming nod.

"You can get all the animal crackers in whatever bowl you feel like." you tell her, before starting to carry all the faux martinis to the coffee table in the living room. Terezi and Vriska were rocking out, seemingly best friends again. God, they're so fucking weird. You set down the drinks, and trudge back into the kitchen for the rest.

**AN:/ y'all get a short chapter**

**before you start complaining about how short this is im trying to get some illustrations done for chapter one on ao3 so yup**

**im gonna post the all chapters on tumblr just in case this gets removed**

**im bubblegumcalliope**

**and/or check out the tag 'lucy writes sometimes'**

**umu**


	8. It Begins

As soon as all the drinks and snacks are into the living room, you collapse on to the sofa, next to Tavros and Kanaya. Gamzee's seated on a barstool with a table set in front of him, bottles of alchohol lined up next to him, with various glasses on the other side. Vriska eyes the setup greedily, but abstains, continuing to dance with Terezi. They're having a dance-off, you think.

You notice that nobody has gone for the faux cocktails yet, which is unsurprising. The bright colors are a bit of a repellent, oh, never mind,, you take that back. Terezi just sauntered up and grabbed one, downing it in one gulp. You notice it was one of the red ones, which is very unsurprising. Terezi is married to the color red. Metaphorically.

Equius looks aggravated as Nepeta and Aradia try to get him to dance. He's just standing there, watching. Yet again. He's kind of a bag of dicks to a lot of you, so you can understand why it's hard for him to enjoy being around your clusterfuck of friends. He slinks out of their grip like a soggy towel, and ghosts over to Gamzee's 'bar'. You turn your view to Aradia and Nepeta to see how they're reacting to Equius' seemingly sudden thirst for alchohol. Aradia looks slightly impressed and Nepeta rolls her eyes, before making eye contact with you and grinning.

You quirk an eyebrow, as Vriska finally makes up her mind and walks over to Equius to join him in drinking. You worry at your lip for a bit, and Terezi decides to throw herself at you, crushing you under her rump. You squirm, making a baby pterodactyl noise, as she cackles like a witch. A though struggles to cross through the desert that is your mind, but dies between the last dune and the oasis, seventeen feet from it, behind another dune. Your thought never knew how close it was to life before it keeled over.

As you were contemplating the sad death of your train of thought, Terezi stood and walked over to the stereo, turning up the volume a little. Really, there is no point, the sound system is a piece of shit. It's been at max volume the entire time, just above a shout. Equius and Vriska have about fifteen shot glasses lined up in front of each of them, and by what you can tell, they're drinking hard alchohol. They don't look phased in the slightest. You're not sure what would be worse, really drunk Vriska and Equius or really not drunk Vriska and Equius.

You look over in the corner and see Eridan and Sollux, sitting next to eachother awkwardly, not talking at all, and Feferi and Nepeta about three feet away, tittering away like chipmunks. You roll your shoulders, and look next to you. Tavros is conked out, somewhere in dreamland, and Kanaya is...

What the hell.

How the hell.

She's sewing.

Where the fuck did she get her supplies?

You try not to think about it too hard, and stand up to go solicit a drink from Gamzee.

**AN:/ im a little shit who put of writing this until the last moment**

**be happy its being posted at all**

**(I know this is rlly short im sorry ok)**

**toaster never beta'd this cause im way too lazy to send it to her fml**


	9. I Am So Fucking Done

The ceiling fan with cellophane'd flashlights spins lazily as the deep bass of the current song thrums through the night. Aradia has had a few drinks, and is dancing like a crazy person, while Nepeta chugs down a red bull with some vodka. She is obviously aiming to become drunker than anyone has ever been. Feferi is rooting around in her bag, with Kanaya standing eagerly behind her. You turn your gaze to Gamzee and his bar. Equius looks stoic as ever, and Vriska looks mildly drunk.

You've had a few drinks, but they were just to deal with the shitheads you have for friends. Eridan and Sollux are hiding in a corner, talking about feelings or some such lame garbage. Tavros is snoring quietly, and Terezi is stacking things on him for some reason too deep for you to fathom. That girl works in mysterious ways. You bet her mind is a jumble of raised eyebrows, cherries, dragons, and the color red. Her cackling laughter echoes in the room as Tavros snorts in his sleep.

You watch the soon-to-be trainwreck disinterestedly, as it's the most readily available entertainment.

"Hey, Karkitty," Nepeta pokes your cheeks, which you puff up and cross your eyes. She laughs and almost spills a bit of her drink on you.

"What, kittycat shipper girl?" you ask her, making another dumb face. She sticks her tongue out, and points at Eridan and Sollux.

"We've done it. We are the best matchmakers efur. Who else is...whoa I can feel the music in my _blood_..."

Oh shit, she's drunk. And she hasn't even finished her drink yet. You knew she was going to be drunker than anyone ever. You stand up, turn her towards Equius, and send her off. She toddles over, and worms her way into his lap. He doesn't even blink as he throws down another shot. Fuck, how many has he even had? You count the empty glasses(when is Gamzee going to run out?) and it seems this is his twenty seventh. Jesus tits on a fuckmuncher burger. That guy can drink. Unfortunately, you think Aradia is about to go full blown insane. She almost trips over the coffee table as she makes her way to Equius, and points at a particularly dark amber liquid. Gamzee pours her a shot glass and she throws it back like a champion.

You are distracted from the unfolding shitfest when Terezi looms in front of your face, and makes grabby hands. She proceeds to sit in your lap, and curl up, resting on your shoulder. You melt inside. Your girlfriend is the most adorable human on planet Earth.

"Karkat, 'm sorry for being a huge dumb earlier," she apologizes, her forehead resting on your shoulder. You wrap your arms around her, out of the corner of your eye you see Gamzee give you a thumbs up. You pet her cherry red hair.

"Shh, it's ok, Rezi."

This couldn't possibly get any kawaiier.

"I love you, doofus."

Oops, you lied. 5000% more kawaii.

"I love you too, _sweetiepyrope_." you reply. Terezi snorts into your shoulder at the lame pet name. You smile, and bury your face in her hair to hide it from your friends. You feel like you're about to explode. You don't know if you want to laugh or cry. You love this girl so much. You cannot wait to finish college. Terezi hugs you, and you sit there in bliss, before Aradia and Nepeta jump up on the coffee table.

Moment = ruined.

They start dancing in a provocative manner. You are confused. Equius downs another shot.

"So, Vantas, what should we do?" she asks you. You shrug. There isn't really anything to do but eat or sleep. You'd much rather sleep but you don't trust anyone not to mess with you. You go to say something, but Terezi is pretending to be asleep. This doesn't surprise you, you've all been through loads of shit today. She might actually be trying to go to sleep, or just fucking with you. We just don't know.

You glance over to where Kanaya and Feferi are sitting, curious as to what they may be doing. It appears that they're reading some Japanese porn shit. Weird. Kanaya looks slightly scandalized when she catches your questioning stare. You have mercy on her, and turn your gaze elsewhere. That elsewhere happens to be Eridan and Sollux, who have scooted a bit closer to eachother, and are now holding hands. You are the best matchmaker ever. With 100% less creepy shipping wall.

A triumphant sounding laugh echoes throughout the room, and you turn to look at the source. Nepeta has successfully squished herself into the space under Equius' barstool. You have no idea how to respond to this. Equius knocks back another shot. Vriska looks drunk. Equius looks normal. Holy shit. Vriska tosses one back.

"What," you ask the universe. The universe replies with Equius knocking back another shot.

**an:/ wow okay im so sorry everyone**  
**but**  
**this is slightly longer than the others?**  
**yeah okay, so the chapters have been very short because i dont want to rush the actual party part of this fanfic, but i guess thats gonna happen anyways cause how do i write stuff**  
**yeah**  
**so**  
**yeah**

**tosses this at yall**


	10. Fucking Hell (How is Zahhak Not Drunk?)

A startled grunt alerts you to Tavros' awakening. He sits up fast, and everything Terezi had placed on him flies in random directions. Terezi cackles, and then pretends to be asleep again. She is an enigma. The look on Tavros' face is hilarious, though. His eyes are wide and twitchy, but then he relaxes and he grins. It's only a matter of time before the karaoke begins. Your phone buzzes in your pocket.

'Kankri "Kranki" Vantas

6r9ther! Hell9. It has 6een far t99 l9ng since we last sp9ke. H9w are y9u?'

Oh fuck no, not him.

'Karkat I kn9w y9u are there and y9u are ign9ring me.'

Fuck he's smarter than you thought.

'Karkat Vantas d9n't make me call y9u. I d9 n9t wish t9 em6arrass y9u in fr9nt 9f wh9ever y9u are currently with.'

You better respond before he gets lecturey.

'WHAT YOU RAGING DOUCHEBAG. I'M TERRIBLY BUSY BABYSITTING MY GIRLFRIEND AND MY FUCKWADS FOR FRIENDS. I WILL FUCKING BLOCK YOU IF YOU LECTURE ME ABOUT OFFENDING ASSHOLES I SWEAR TO GOD KANKRI. I'M FINE GLAD WE GOT THAT ESTABLISHES. IS THERE ANYTHING YOU HAVE A BURNING NEED TO KNOW OR ARE YOU GOING TO FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE?'

Hopefully his offended ass will leave you alone now.

'Tag y9ur triggers. Also, Dad and Miss Leij9n are getting married. We're getting sisters.'

Right again, Karkat. Also, the fuck? You knew they were dating but holy shit. You need to draw up a family tree soon, or else you'll lose track. You're probably related to half of your friends in some way. Kanaya is your aunt, you think. Fucking hell your family is confusing.

'WHAT. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY WASN'T I TOLD EARLIER?'

'I l9st y9ur num6er after Mituna dr9pped my ph9ne int9 a puddle 9f s9mething unmenti9nable. Als9, this happened a week ag9.'

Oh.

Well.

The clusterfuck that is your family has expanded by probably two million more people.

This is interesting. Terezi makes an inquiring grunt. Nepeta screeches from across the room and basically launches her drunken self at you, holding another red bull & vodka experiment and her cellphone.  
"Meulin told me the mews! So, hey big bro I guess!"she purrs at you, slipping in a cat pun. You just improvise with a shittily replicated pterodactyl noise. It works, you think, because she nods understandingly. Now you're also related to Gamzee. Fuck, your family is weird as shit. At least you aren't related to Terezi, that would make things awkward. Very, very awkward. As awkward as Eridan saying awkward. Awwkwward.

Terezi pokes you in your side in a 'gimme your secrets' kind of way. You want to tell her in some humorous way but you're fresh out of humor thank you very much. You spill the beans.

"I'm now related to Nepeta and Gamzee. Guess who's getting hitched." you hint, wiggling your eyebrows at Leijon.

"Whoah. Finally!" she exclaims, getting a few people to look up. You nod, and frown.

"I wonder why it took them so long to finally make it official official, instead of sorta official." you think out loud.

"They were probably waiting for the right moment. Or something equally sappy and romantic." Terezi responds, poking you in the side again. You shrug and glance at Gamzee. He points at Equius, who still is sober. Fucking fuck how does he do it. 50+ shots and jesus fucking christ not even a little buzzed. Is he ok? He gives you thumbs up as he knocks back another. You nod back.

How is he still alive?

You glance around. Eridan and Sollux have disappeared from their corner and you just don't even WANT to know. It makes your brain hurt and you just wanna sleep but everyone's still wide awake and just fuck it you're so done. You poke Terezi, and she gets off of you, allowing you to stand. You proceed to flip everyone off, and stumble back to your room, Terezi following you, and you flop down on the bed.

You're both out like a light within seconds.

**AN:/ FUCK I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS I HAVE SO MUCH TO SEE SO MUCH TO DO AND I TOTES FORGOT ABOUT THIS AND I JUST SCREECHES I AM SO SORRY YOU DONT EVEN KNOW**

**as consolation i made this a liiiiiiiiiiittle longer(content wise not note wise) than the previous chapters so i hope you can forgive me**

**every saturday more like frick i gotta write a chapter the night before**


	11. The :D in Her Voice

The sound of snortish snoring greets your ears as you slowly open your eyes. You're curled around Terezi. She's very warm, which isn't worrying. You're both under many layers of fluffy blankets, and it's basically a pile. Like when you jam with Gamzee, but less tshirts and more pillows. She shifts around a bit, before sighing and sinking down into your chest. Judging by the light filtering through your curtains, it's really early and you still have some time to sleep. So you do.

You wake up again a few hours later, and Terezi is probably going to wake up soon, by the way she's stretching and grumbling in her sleep. She looks very peaceful, her face not strained by the force of her typical grin. She's beautiful. Your sentimental moment is cut short as she snores very loudly and subsequently startles herself awake. You burst into laughter. She joins you, and you two laugh until you hear a growl from under the bed. A squeak follows it and you peer below. A finger ninja pokes you in the nose.

"Honk." Gamzee grins at you. Tavros is curled up next to him. He looks confused, but okay with whatever the fuck is happening. They better not have done anything while you and Terezi were asleep or you're gonna throw a fucking bus. You will steal a bus, and toss it at him. Right at his clown ass face. Right at it.

"What the fuck? _Gamzee_?" Terezi yawns, one eye scrunched up. Wow your girlfriend is kawaii. You feel like fluffy marshmallow brownie shit that's probably bad for you. It's far to early for this bullshit.

"I'm gonna go start the shitshow, be prepared for various expletives, shouting, and the like. Thank you for flying with Fuck This airlines." you spiel, standing up, and tripping over a blanket. Your room. Your impeccable room. Trashed. You're fucking done. There are blankets and tshirts and pillows and you just...

You walk out of the room, after counting to ten to calm your ass down. Feferi and Nepeta are sleeping in the tub, Eridan and Sollux are still nowhere to be fo-nevermind. They're in a closet. The living room has definitely been better. Aradia and Equius are crashed on the couch, Vriska and Kanaya are in a cuddle puddle, extra linens and towels forming their nest. They're cleaning the whole fucking mess up when they're awake.

The pots and pans in the kitchen beckon. You heed their call.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU SLEEPY ASSHOLES!" you screech, banging a saucepan and frying pan together to rouse everybody. You're gratified with angry grumbles from hungover assbutts. Equius, though, appears to be just fine. You will never cease to be amazed with his ability to deal with alcohol, holy fucking shit.

"Well now that you're all hopefully awake it's time to go invade IHOP. Breakfast time, _bitches_." you'd cook but it's a known fact you can't. All that talent belongs to your pain in the ear brother. You hope people brought more clothing than what they wore here and their swimsuits, otherwise you may have a bit of a problem, but no, everyone stands and slowly stumbles to their bags, grousing through them with sleepy hands. They all form a somewhat orderly line to the bathroom. Honestly, you're surprised, but they are more agreeable when they're sleepy(hint: It's cause they don't have enough energy to be the annoying bitch mothers they usually are.)

* * *

You all walk to IHOP because why the fuck not. It's still early enough you've avoided most of the crowd, so you get one of those huge ass tables. Your waitress, a woman with long, black hair and electric green eyes brings you all menus and introduces herself.

"Hello! My name is Jade, I'll be your server today!" she grins, and you think, you think she might actually love this shitty job for some reason, not that yours is any better(you don't want to talk about it)... She walks away, humming a tune, as your group goes through their menus, squinting. You already know what you want. A 2x2x2. And an orange juice. Terezi will probably order something disgusting, and then eat your food, so you probably really need to order something large. Jade skips back over with a tray full of waters, and a larger grin.

"So, drinks anyone? We have milk, coffee, hot cocoa, and various fruit juices!" You can hear the ':D' in her voice. She's so excited like a puppy to just make everyone happy. Sickening.

"I'll have orange juice." you requested. Everyone else orders after you. Terezi's getting a high sugar hot cocoa. Terezi + Sugar = No.

"Okay! Let me read that back so I know it's what you ordered! Orange, Caramel Cocoa, 3 Black Coffees, Hot Mint Tea, Milk, 4 Regular Coffees, and a Watermelon Limeade?" Everyone nods. All is well, until Nepeta sees the kid's menu.

"OH my GOD they have FRUITY TOOTY PANCAKES I know what I'm getting!" the exclamation marks are a bit excessive but there is a point to make and you damn well plan to make it. You believe the point was made. To who? You dunno.

"Nepeta. Nepeta please." Equius grumbles, placing his (yaoi) hand on her head to keep her from rocketing into the atmosphere. It barely helps. She's a force to be reckoned with when excited. You're terrified of what will happen when the food actually gets ordered. Will she explode? We just don't know.

Jade returns again, still all smiles and puppies and sunshine.

"Okay, I've got your drinks!" wink, "So, what would you all like to eat?"

"FRUITY TOOTY PANCAKES!" Nepeta grins, catlike and hungry. Equius coughs and elbows her gently. Nepeta ignores him.

_~to be continued~_

**AN:/ okAY THIS IS THE END FOR NOW**  
**NEXT WEEK S CHAPTER IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS ONE AND ALSO THE LAST ONE!**  
**there will be a kawaii sequel though UmU**  
**karkat is not a stripper**  
**his job is classified**  
**hey hey also if you rlly like this fanfic and you wanna draw me some fanart(which you should totes do) then go submit it to my tumblr (bubblegumspookalliope)! everything submitted will be added into the ao3(and maybe tumblr) mirror of this story!**  
**thank and love**  
**lucy out**


	12. The Last Fuckoff

Jade skips off after taking your orders, this time you recognize the tune she's humming, the Squiddles theme. The reasons you know this are classified. Nepeta looks ridiculously pumped for her pancakes, you wonder if she's drunk. You wouldn't be surprised. Who knows how long they stayed up last night. You wouldn't be surprised, she was the most drunk anyone has ever been ever in the entire history of alcohol. She bounces up and down as Jade saunters back, a tray with plates of your food, a pile of fluffy bullshit standing proud. Nepeta's eyes widen and she grins. Shark attack time. Equius barley restrains her as Jade sets down her food. You roll your eyes.

Terezi also looks pumped for the sugary shitmess she ordered. You're honestly worried about your friends, one day they're all gonna have a sugar aneurysm. And you will laugh. And then you will cry.

You just ordered pancakes and bacon. You're boring but bacon is not. Baaaaaaaaaaaaacon. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaacon pancakes. Aw yiss.

Jade grins at you all, and dissolves to go help another table.

* * *

You all eat in silence, or as silent as it can be with Nepeta scribbling on a coloring page while trying to eat her pancakes at the same time. All you have to say about that is 'huge fucking mess'.

As you finish up, you, Kanaya, Equius, and Feferi have a mental showdown over who's gonna pay for it all. You end up splitting the cost.

After you leave, you all go your house to have everyone get their shit, and they all leave, group by group. Nepeta, Feferi, Eridan, and Sollux are the last to leave. Nepeta appears to have a headache, and tells Feferi to carry her, which she does, unsurprisingly.

You look around the house, and glare at Gamzee, who shrugs. Time to spend the day cleaning.

**AN:/**  
**this is extremely short but guess who dont give a fuck hint its me**

**sooooooooooo the sequel will begin whenever i get to writing the first chaper yeesnaw bitches**

**also hey eveyrone **

**guess what karkats job is**  
**jk ill tell you this is the last chapter and im being nice**  
**hes a daycare helper and he wants to work in a preschool**  
**his major is pediatric psychology and learning development**

**he actually rlly loves kids even if he has issues dealing with them and their feelings thats why he has psychology umu**


End file.
